Goals versus Desires in Buddhism.

Bridge at Japanese garden in Portland, Oregon. By James R. Ure. Creative Commons apply. You may use for non-commercial purposes only; with attribution to photographer.

I wrote this piece as a response to a commenter on my recent post about expectations, titled, "Letting Go of Expectations." They wanted to know how a person can still go about wanting to do certain things in life without desires. So, the following is my response, which I decided to make a post from in case others had the same question, because I did when I was first starting out on the Dharmic path: I think desires aren't necessarily "bad" but rather the attachment to them is what causes the suffering. The idea that we can't be happy without the constant fulfillment of our desires. It's a cyclical trap of suffering.

Instead of desires, I think a more skillful approach is to have goals. Goals are about setting achievable and realistic outcomes based on a flexible plan; grounded in the reality that not every detail might work out the way it was planned. So, that from the beginning you know that you might have to adjust those goals as you go along—in other words, with goals, you’re prepared for revisions.

Whereas, desires are based on pure craving and expectations, which demand a particular outcome to be happy. These expectations are unreasonable and will always let us down. And having placed, so much energy into the desired outcome we are devastated when they don't come true--and we suffer greatly. Again, with goals, we are ready or prepared for set-backs and have a back-up plan on what to revise in that instance. So, we aren’t as attached to a particular outcome with goals. We temper your desires in this manner.

The whole meaning of a desire is to dream big and have HUGE expectations that those dreams will unfold EXACTLY how we desire them to.

So, set manageable goals with back-up plans and you should be less driven and attached by desired expectations. That’s the way I understand the difference and how to go about planning and living life without being pulled into the unmanageable cravings of desire. I’m not a teacher though and I struggle with desires versus goals daily but I have picked up a small bit of knowledge and experience in my years of practicing Dharma. But I’m not an expert by any means. Still, I hope this advice helps.

~Peace to all beings~

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Ted Williams and his "Golden Voice."

-This is a longer post but it tells a great story of redemption and hope-

When I first came to Buddhism, nine years ago, it really hit me between the eyes and woke me up to a whole other way of viewing the world and navigating through it. It was refreshingly honest to hear a spiritual tradition come right out and admit that, "Life often sucks, but it doesn't have to cause you suffering." Obviously I'm over-stating the first noble truth that suffering is inevitable but it was refreshing to hear after when so many spiritual traditions today try to make life out to be some candy-land world where rainbows shoot out your ass. And, that if you're not constantly, "high on life" that something is wrong with you.

Life has many wonderful, high peaks to enjoy and savor to be sure. However, in America at least, it's a bit taboo to say life is often (but not always) full of suffering. It's considered being a "pessimist." It's not considered "polite" to admit to people when you're having a shitty day. You're supposed to lie when people as you how you're doing. You're supposed to put on a plastic, botox-infused grin and say, "I'm doing great, but I'll get better." Even if you don't mean it. But, thankfully, Buddha laid-out the three other noble truths to show us how to--not, "end suffering" but learn to live with it as a part of life so we aren't constantly feeling over-whelmed and consumed with it.

Well, one of the teachings in Buddhism is that all things are interconnected and that it is through those connections that we find ways to handle the suffering in life with a bit less torment. We don't have to, "go it alone." The Buddhist notion that we are interdependent and interconnected has been given a new incarnation with the internet. It has helped us reach out and connect with people all over the world and help one another navigate the rocks and whirlpools in this raging river of life. This globally interconnected community online, reached out and plunged it's far-reaching arms into the raging maelstrom of the deep, river of suffering and pulled a drowning brother up from the life-crushing undertow--and back onto the shore of hope.

Ted Williams was that man. Who is Ted Williams? No, not the famous baseball player. He was (up until a few days ago) a homeless man in Ohio, USA who had fallen on hard times and began begging for money to start a new life. But, a mindful (aware) journalist (Kevin Joy; an ironic name for an altruistic stranger) from the Columbus Dispatch newspaper stopped and saw the man's sign but said Williams would, "Have to work for his money." According to an article by Christian Red for the New York Daily News. What happened next brings chills of inspiration to my body. Mr. Williams belted out a monologue that one would expect to hear from a radio personality. Out of this raged, tired face came a golden voice for radio:It turns out that he was a voice-over guy for radio back before he became addicted to drugs. He's been drug-free for two years now but needs a job to return to a better life. Well, Williams got his money for the voice-over ditty from the mindful man who stopped to talk to him. But he got so much more than that. Joy filmed this monologue and posted it on the internet, which went viral. People around the world listen to this man's talented voice, and job offers flooded in. Now he is entertaining offers from the National Football League and the Cleveland Cavaliers basketball team!! Rod Mead Sperry over at Shambhala Sun informed me that he has since been hired by the Cavaliers.

So, while life sucks a lot of times, the great part is that we have a whole community to help us live through it and help us actually let go of a lot of trying to control things. And, when we let go, we often find a sense of peace, tranquility and acceptance with the way life unfolds. Letting go frees up our mind to be completely aware (mindful) and open to whatever comes, which often means we can see opportunities that might of passed us by when we were focused so much on how miserable we were. It's o.k. to acknowledge that life sucks sometimes; and it's healthy to admit that life isn't always going to be candy land because then we aren't so crushed when the our expectations don't come true. Expectations rarely do. The way of the Buddha is to live life without expectations--with an open heart. It's certainly never easy; and it's easier said than done but it's possible. That's the important thing. It's possible. It's been done before, and Buddha is that example.

Understanding interdependence helps us ride the storm out with others going through the same shit storm; and that makes all the difference. It helps to know you're not alone. Ted Williams let go of trying to force things but didn't give up and his radical acceptance of his situation allowed him to ride out his suffering until help could arrive. What an uplifting story in a modern world that is so full of ugliness.

~Peace to all beings~

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Letting Go of Expectations.

The chaos of life streams through this mind, yet ownership isn't imposed upon it. It's free to pass through like a stranger in the night; registering its frenetic, holographic delusions but streaming out the other side due to keeping the mind open and relaxed. Tonight is a night where balance has returned. Tonight there is simply stark but relieving acceptance.

Like Buddha before us, letting go is gaining freedom. Once we let go of trying to control everything, life seems to flow with greater ease. It's not unlike a twig floating down a meandering river. It doesn't try to stop or force the current into an unrealistic upstream reversal of flow. It just lets go and enjoys the ride. Letting it take it where it will.

Life is like that it seems. We try and control the journey with some imagined belief in a power we don't have. There is no power over altering the flow of life. It will take us where it wants, so the only thing left to do is let go and learn to adapt to each bend in the river and enjoy the scenery while it lasts. It's once we let go that we notice a world that we were missing while being so focused on changing how our life is unfolding.

Suddenly we notice a sharpness, beauty and softness to life that we missed before. The trees seem to take on a new sacredness that brings us peace when before we pushed through them on our way to nowhere. It's why the cliche of "stopping to smell the roses" persists. When we stop trying to push toward a specific expectation we start to see that life has more to offer than we had ever realized before.

So, tonight, I've dropped the heavy backpack of the burdensome stones of expectations and am moving freely and effortlessly across the middle-path like a light and unconfined cloud. Relaxed to take whatever form the moment molds. Acceptance of being overwhelmed at times; unburdening myself of the chains of worry that enslave me and delay realignment with the peace that is an uncluttered mind.

Expectations are like fairy tales and myths; they are alluring but ultimately leave us disillusioned and disappointed, which are the fore-bearers of suffering. Today, I am letting go and it couldn't be more liberating.

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When Meditating, Let Go of Expectations.

It is important to sit with the clear intention to be present. At the same time, we need to let go of expectations. In a very real sense, what happens when we sit is none of our business.

The practice is to accept whatever arises instead of trying to control our experience. What we can control is our wise effort to be present with what is. We can spend a lot of our sitting time dwelling on memories of past sittings or fantasizing of those to come.

When we read or hear about the benefits of meditation, it is tempting to dwell on the stories of wonderful outcomes instead of doing the work of actualizing these possibilities ourselves. There can be a big gap between what we have read about and what is actually happening. Sitting is a way of putting our bodies behind our aspirations.

-Narayan Liebenson Grady, "The Refuge of Sitting" (Winter 2003)

James: Nothing breeds discouragement with our meditation practice more than having expectations of how it is "supposed to be." That is why I like this quote about using meditation to just be present with your mind in whatever state you find it in. To become aware of our mind and what it is reflecting from inside our subconsciousness at any given moment is enough practice to work on for a lifetime. As much as we like to think we have things figured out in this existence the reality is that most of us are clueless, and bumbling through life like an inexperienced boy scout crashing through the forest.

In keeping with the analogy, I was always told when I was a boy scout that if I ever got lost to just sit down next to a tree and stay in that area. It makes it easier for people to find you as you aren't a moving target and you don't waste energy needed to sustain being lost for an indefinite period of time. Spiritually, we are lost in the woods. The woods being samsara while staying put in one place is akin to sitting down to meditate and center our mind in one place. When our mind is resting in the present moment we stop wasting energy chasing expectations and come to terms with what's really going on in that spinning washing machine like mind of ours.

Only when we accept what is bubbling up from our subconsciousness can we truly understand what is causing our suffering. Yet (as the quote warns us) don't expect every meditation session to ease your suffering. It seems that meditation is a bit like a box of chocolates (as Forest Gump would say) "You never know what you're gonna get." Sometimes meditation can make you feel a bit worse before you feel better because it will dredge up a long hidden obstacle. But don't freak out and stop meditating--it's good to dig up that shit because you're now aware of it and being aware is useful because you know where to focus your energies. Regardless of what happens when you meditate, it's all beneficial. There is nothing in life that isn't beneficial. It's our mind that says otherwise but the mind is exactly where the problem lies in the first place!! We can't rely upon the very mind that deludes us to bring us back to reality.

The mind might not want to reflect on something painful and seek to cast it aside as unhelpful but perhaps that's the exact reason to NOT cast it aside but to focus extra attention upon it. Perhaps the mind casts it aside because it knows that to focus upon it would mean it would have to see things differently and it doesn't want to do that because old habits are hard to break. Yet habit energy is what propels us incessantly through this cycle of birth, death and rebirth. Habit energy is another way of saying karma.

The mind isn't our friend--It's a delusion in an of itself, so of course it's going to try and distract us with doubt, which is one of the five hindrances Buddha taught to be aware of. Meaning, even BUDDHA faced those obstacles to meditation or else how would he be aware of them to warn us? So, you're in good company in facing obstacles to your meditation practice--that's what I try to keep reminding myself. Buddha and countless other greats in Buddhist history faced similar trials. So, in it's basic form meditation is simply about watching the mind--keep a eye on it to see where it has led us astray and where it would continue to like to lead us astray. Above all else don't feel bad if you can't always formally meditate because awareness can be had while doing anything. Washing the dishes mindfully or taking a mindful walk around a park. That's the beauty of Buddhism--it can be practiced anywhere. Not just in a formal meditation posture.

ADDENDUM: Special thanks to Philip Ryan over at Tricycle for the quote.

~Peace to all beings~

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